


River

by chibichocopaws



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Anal Fingering, Anal Gaping, Angst, Awkwardness, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Choking, Crying, Face-Fucking, Happy Ending, I dont particularly agree but there you go, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mention of Adam as Shiro's previous boyfriend, Porn With Plot, Rough Sex, Someone said dubcon, Song Lyrics, Suicidal Thoughts, ass eating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-07-31 13:00:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20115490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibichocopaws/pseuds/chibichocopaws
Summary: Keith has been using Shiro to release his pent up stress, but Shiro has developed feelings for Keith over time. Even though the feelings may be mutual, Keith has spent far too long trying to ignore them.(This will be one part to a minimum of three, all based and featuring Bishop Briggs lyrics)





	1. River

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd per usual, so please forgive the oh so many mistakes. Part three should be out no later Sunday!
> 
> As always, kudos and comments fuel my quintessence.
> 
> ♡♡♡♡

_How do we fall in love_  
_Harder than a bullet could hit ya?_  
_How do we fall apart_  
_Faster than a hair pin trigger? _

__  
__  
"Keith," Shiro sighed out in a breathy whisper. His hand traced a soothing pattern along the other paladin's back.  
  


It always happened like this. Shiro was this gentle being, until he wasn't. Until Keith released the animal inside of him, but this… it always started like this. It almost tricked Keith into believing what they had was something more, but it wasn't. It never would be, and Keith would believe that, no matter how tenderly Shiro gazed into his eyes. No matter how gently he brushed his thumb over Keith's cheek. No matter how many times he opened his mouth to say those words, scrunch his face in concentration as his eyes searched for something before he gave up. 

Shiro knew what this was too. A release of adrenaline, nerves, anxiety, stress and frustration. Keith had made it clear that it would never be anything more than fucking. Sloppy, hot, hard, rough fucking. 

It wasn't that Keith didn't feel things for Shiro. The emotions were there, and they tingled in his stomach like a flu when Shiro greeted him tenderly, but Keith knew himself. He knew anything he loved was destroyed by his own hands. So he swallowed those feelings down, buried them in the depths of his groin. Beat, mangled and pulverized them until they resembled something closer to lust than love. Because Keith could do lust without destroying someone other than himself, and Shiro seemed to enjoy destroying him. 

"I need you." Keith whimpered into Shiro's broad chest, his fingers clinging to the hard paladin armor until the edges rimmed against his fingertips painfully.

_Don't you say, don't you say it_  
_Don't say, don't you say it_  
_One breath, it'll just break it_  
_So shut your mouth and run me like a river_

"Keith." Shiro breathed out again, wrapping both of his arms around him in a tight hug. "I-"

Keith cringed. Not like this. He didn't need him like this. He needed the other Shiro. The Shiro that was hidden behind locked doors late in the middle of the night. The Shiro that wasn't afraid to be rough with him. The Shiro that would push him against the wall, rip his clothes off and wrap his hand around his throat. The Shiro that would ravage him with strong hands. The Shiro that left bruises on his skin and an ache in his ass. 

"No!" Keith bit out, interrupting whatever Shiro was on the verge of saying. It didn't matter anyways. Words weren't necessary for this. He lifted his head from Shiro's chest, pushing back from him slightly to gaze up at him darkly. "Fuck me." He said. Voice unwavering. Calmer than he felt, but still just as sure of his desires as he had spoken them.

Shiro opened his mouth slightly, the unspoken words falling out silently between welcoming lips. Who was Keith to deny those bare lips a companion? He tiptoed, shifting his arms from Shiro's waist to his shoulders to keep balance before he smashed their lips together hungrily.

Tingles wisped through his body, hot like fire and sparking like electricity as the sloppy kiss he had started, that left far too much saliva and teeth clinking to be sexy, turned into Shiro seductively licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue like Keith was some dirty whore. He shivered with the tingles and leaned heavily into Shiro, wishing their armor wasn't so thick so he could feel the heat of Shiro's chest against his own, so he could trace the flesh and squeeze the muscles beneath it.

Shiro's hands traveled from his back to his hips and Keith moaned. It was a dirty low sound. One he made often when with Shiro. It was the sound of relief, gratefulness, a hint of fucking finally, and, most importantly of all, it was the signifying sound that brought Shiro out. The Shiro he wanted. Perhaps not the reason, but after that sound, Shiro was quick to follow.

Those fingers tightened on his hips and there he was. The Shiro Keith wanted. The Shiro Keith needed. Keith could feel the indents marking his skin, even beneath his suit, the left hand squeezing tighter as if Shiro forgot he had a mechanical prosthetic that could kill in an instant, but fuck if Keith couldn't get enough of it. The fluttering fear of possibility that lingered around that arm when he squeezed any part of Keith's body with it. Hips. Thighs. Throat. Dick. It didn't matter. It was just hotter. Even when the digits attached to it fingered him open. Keith was a slave to it.

Keith clawed at the armor on Shiro's shoulders, melting further into the kiss, but not denying his desperation. The damn armor needed to come off, and now. A low growl left his mouth, floating into Shiro's and those fingers gripped even tighter onto his hips. 

"Fuck." Keith said in a breath before returning his lips to Shiro's eagerly. A pleased hum was the only response, and by some miracle the noise seemed to remind Keith how to remove their armor. His fingers slipped the release and hastily pushed it off. It clanked to the floor loudly and Keith pushed into Shiro hard enough to make the man take a step back. It was futile though. Keith was still in his own armor.

He whimpered, gyrating against air instead of Shiro like he had intended, but his own armor making it impossible.

Shiro knew though. Shiro always knew, even when he tried to deny it in those gentle moments before. Keith moaned when Shiro rubbed circles into his flesh with his thumb on either side of his straining dick. He was so close to touching him, but Keith didn't think he could stand the torture. He was surprised Shiro thought for a second he could either. So to resolve the issue he shifted slightly until Shiro's thumb was brushing against the head of his dick. He gasped as the sensation punched the breath from his lungs.

With their mouths detached from each other, Shiro nuzzled his head between the crook of Keith's neck and his paladin armor to suckle and bite at the flesh. Abusing it till it was sore and tingled with every ministration. The other side of his armor dug roughly into his jaw, but the contrast of pain and pleasure was just on the border of being perfect. The juxtaposition of pain from Shiro's teeth and the small circles his thumb rubbed on the head of his dick was equally tantalizing. 

Keith let his fingers dig into Shiro's scalp, pressing his mouth harder against his neck. Shiro knew how rough he liked it, but something seemed off. Like Shiro hadn't completely let go yet, and Keith was far from okay with this.

Shiro's free hand reached up to remove Keith's armor, and the loss of weight as it clattered to the floor had him nearly falling backwards, as if it's weight alone had a gravitational pull, but Shiro held him through suction of his lips on his flesh alone. The pull was strong, it burned with pain and Keith moaned at the new sensation he had been craving for.

_Shut your mouth, baby stand and deliver_  
_Holy hands, oh they make me a sinner_  
_Like a river, like a river_  
_Shut your mouth and run me like a river_  
_Choke this love till the veins start to shiver_  
_One last breath till the tears start to wither_  
_Like a river, like a river_  
_Shut your mouth and run me like a rive_r 

Shiro's newly freed hand came to rest on Keith's collarbone, his thumb crossing over his throat and a shudder wracked through his body as anticipation rolled from his gut and upwards in violent earthquakes.

Shiro's hands were like the definition of a sin. Large. Bold. In control. Everything Keith knew he shouldn't want, but craved like an addiction. Slowly that thumb added pressure, and Keith moaned loudly. If Shiro could ever feel what he did to Keith, he was sure the man would melt into a pile of puddy on the floor.

"Fuck me." Keith whimpered out in a plea. He wasn't sure if his begging ever helped the situation. If it was a turn on for Shiro, but in those moments it didn't matter. Keith was a selfish son of a bitch who couldn't be bothered with Shiro's desires, only his own. He would assume it never ruined things, but it was also never a conversation they had. Or would ever have. That's not why Keith was here. That's not why he ever came.

He was using Shiro, sure. It was an unfortunate series of events that turned Keith into the bad guy, but there was never any promise of more. Never mention of more, or hinting. It was what it was, and so long as Shiro allowed it to continue, Keith would be greedy and take all that he could. After all, could Shiro really be mad for Keith using him, by letting Shiro use Keith? It was a conundrum for a different time. A time when Keith had the capacity to squelch his emotions. 

That time was not now. Lust was the only thing he felt as Shiro cupped his palm over Keith's clothed erection and allowed him to buck into it like a wanton animal.

The hand upon his neck traveled, leaving Keith quivering in its wake and cringing in its absence from his throat, but that hand was unzipping his suit now, and the lack of choking was suddenly less of a disappointment.

_Tales of an endless heart_  
_Curses is the fool who's willing_  
_Can't change the way we are_  
_One kiss away from killing_  
_Don't you say, don't you say it_  
_Don't say, don't you say it_  
_One breath it'll just break it_

Shiro was moving slow. Slower than Keith wanted, as if this were some special moment, but it wasn't. It was Keith needing Shiro to destroy him so he could forget the battle earlier that left their whole team fleeing in a loss. It was the distraction. It was the frustration release, and yet, still, Keith could do nothing more than buck into Shiro's cupped palm as the man gently traced patterns on his skin as he slowly peeled the suit away.

The ministrations on his neck stopped suddenly, and tentative fingers traced the mark that was left in its wake. "It's a bit high, the others might see it."

Keith frowned, confusion filling his mind as his focus faltered from lust to whatever Shiro was mumbling in a voice not wilted with lust. "I don't care." Keith replied, sure he didn't, even when he still couldn't figure out what Shiro was on about. "Just fuck me." 

Shiro's breath shuddered close to his ear, "Keith," he began, a serious tinge to his name, "I just think you should know…"

Keith pushed Shiro away roughly, and kept pushing until Shiro was falling back onto the bed. Keith expected to see the lust and desire in his eyes. Shiro liked to be rough with Keith for sure, but he always seemed to have an extra sparkle in his gaze when Keith was rough back, but today, his eyes seemed forlorn and lost. Keith frowned at it, but persisted on.

"Take off the suit." He demanded, as he removed his own body suit in a hurried fashion. Shiro watched, the curls of lust slowly showing in his gaze when Keith wrapped a hand around his own dick and moaned at the motion. It glided easily up and down, having been nicely coated in precum already. Dripping and red. Begging for full attention instead of the half rub down Shiro had given him earlier.

"Can I tell you something first?" Shiro asked, his voice deeper and filled with desire as he watched Keith intently. 

"No." Keith replied simply. "Fuck me first." He moaned, squeezing himself a little tighter. "I need you to fuck me, Shiro." He nearly stuttered out as he increased the pace of his hand. 

Shiro inhaled deeply before slowly letting the breath out. Keith knew him well enough. He knew Shiro was mentally whispering a mantra of begging to be granted patience. Patience Yields Focus. Yes. Focus. Shiro needed to focus, so Keith didn't interrupt his breathing, he just kept pumping himself. Putting himself on display for Shiro's ever growing hungry eyes. 

"Mm, Shiro." Keith moaned, biting his lip and rocking his hips in time with his hand. Keith watched when the breathing pattern changed. Shiro's steady focused breathing shifted, a stuttering exhale, and the bulge beneath his suit twitched. 

"Take off your suit, Shiro." Keith said again, his voice stern even as it was breathy.

Keith watched intently as Shiro stood and did as he was told. It was a new thrill. Sending sparks up his spine as he watched the man that so easily destroyed him, obey his words without question or dismay. 

Keith's own breath shuddered with the new sensations of it. He let them travel through his body, following his blood stream like an injected narcotic, but then Shiro was being gentle again. His hand cupping Keith's cheek and gaze so loving. Keith wanted to flinch away from the touch, but then those fingers curled around his jaw bone in a tight grip and pulled him closer until their mouths met in another kiss.

Keith released his dick, focusing on battling Shiro's tongue with his own as he pushed Shiro back to the bed. Shiro pulled him slowly down with him, letting Keith straddle him and grind their naked cocks together. Shiro let out a guttural moan, and Keith grinded down harder. He let his hands grab, pull and scratch at every inch of Shiro's flesh they could reach in the needy way he felt. 

Shiro's hand left his face, travelled his shoulder and down his arm in a gentle touch until it curled around his hip and roughly guided his grinding. Keith was a prisoner to it, the feel of Shiro's strength, and he whined at the pressure.

"I.." Keith gasped, breaking the kiss, "I need you inside me." He whined when Shiro nipped at his lip playfully. His eyes were dark and a grin appeared on his lips. Finally. 

"Lube is in the drawer." Shiro said simply, but the smirk and dark look never left his face.

Keith scrambled to the small drawer within the wall, nearly pulling it off the hinges as he ripped it open and pulled out the small bottle of lube. 

He was surprised to feel Shiro behind him, grasping his hips in a tight squeeze before he released one and reached for the tube in Keith's hand. "Let me." He said, but that gentle tone was back and Keith fought back a growl. 

"I got it." He bit back, ripping the bottle from Shiro's hand, popping the cap and dousing his fingers while Shiro placed soft kisses on his back.

Keith was quick, too quick. He rammer two fingers within him and hissed at the burn, but he couldn't stand to wait any longer. He needed Shiro.

"Keith, slow down." He felt the lips brush against his forearm accompanying the quiet whisper. 

"Need you!" Keith gritted out, finger fucking himself roughly. He felt the sigh against his skin more than heard it.

"Ok." Shiro finally responded in a straight tone.

_So shut your mouth and run me like a river_  
_Shut your mouth, baby stand and deliver_  
_Holy hands, ooh they make me a sinner_  
_Like a river, like a river_  
_Shut your mouth and run me like a river_  
_Choke this love till the veins start to shiver_  
_One last breath till the tears start to wither_  
_Like a river, like a river_  
_Shut your mouth and run me like a river_

He allowed Keith to open himself up in silence, barely ready for Shiro's dick, but he didn't respond negatively when Keith insisted he was ready, he simply lined himself up and slowly pushed in.

Keith gritted through the burn, twisted his fingers into the sheets and held his breath until he could feel Shiro's thighs touch his own. Shiro remained unmoving, giving Keith the opportunity to adjust to the intrusion. He exhaled slowly, forcing his muscles to relax in the release of breath.

"Hard." Keith finally muttered, and groaned in pain when Shiro snapped his hips sharply, the slap of skin seemed to echo in the room once, twice, and continued as Shiro found his rhythm. Keith moaned at the sharp pain and pleasure that tingled through his body when Shiro's cock rubbed against his prostate as he mercilessly fucked him into the sheets.

Shiro's prosthetic left his hip to grip his shoulder, Keith's voice was loud in the room as those metal fingers dug into his skin, bruising the flesh in the rough grasp. 

"Tell me when you're close." Shiro's voice was deep and husky behind him, and Keith melted further into the mattress. The force of each thrust making his own dick rub against the dry sheets in rough friction.

If he was being honest with himself, he was already close, but staving off his orgasm only made it feel that much better. He let himself focus on the pain, edging the pinpoint of pleasure in his groin into a distant feel.

"Fuck." He cried out, pushing back to meet each thrust. The rough fabric beneath him chafed his skin, the metal fingers dug into his muscles like punches and the grasp on his hip pushed at his hip bone with an uncomfortable ache.

He huffed with each thrust, ignoring the grunts behind him as Shiro slammed harder against him.

Slowly the fingers digging into his shoulder shifted until the palm was against his throat. He yanked, pulled Keith up to kneel and lean against his chest. The new angle proved to abuse his sensitive prostate even more, and Keith screamed in the pleasure. 

The hand around his throat tightened, slowing his air flow but not cutting it off entirely. Shiro knew the exact amount of pressure to use, and Keith could feel his veins pop at the weight. "Yesss." He hissed out in a barely audible whisper. Shiro's prosthetic was squeezing tight enough to make his voice hoarse, and he let a shudder roll through him.

He could feel the cool trails of tears against his hot face. The pain and pleasure mixed perfectly and Keith could feel himself reaching that point of pure bliss. The point where everything disappeared but the perfect blend. His senses heightened and dulled. The sounds between them seemed so distant. The memories of the day all but faded to darkness. The only thing in his universe that existed was the burn in his ass, the rolling waves of pleasure from his abused prostate, the fingers digging into his hip and the pressure at his throat.

"I…" Keith managed to croak out in a choked sob, and then Shiro released his throat. He gasped as air was welcomed into his lungs in a huge gust. It was sharp and painful, but a dull feeling compared to the explosion of bliss as he released his seed across the bed sheets below him. His vision blacked and he felt himself falling.

Shiro wasn't done with him yet though, and slowly the sounds more than the feeling returned to him as Shiro adjusted behind him and fucked him into the mattress until his own seed filled his burning hole. 

Shiro huffed behind him, his body shook with the exertion and he quickly pulled out and rolled off of Keith to collapse on the bed next to him.

Keith was still blinded in the darkness. He fluttered his eyelids open to only discover the darkness had been his closed eyes. Shiro was staring at him. His eyes searching and Keith buried his face into the blankets.

"Keith?" Shiro's voice was gentle again, and Keith couldn't stand to hear the tone. He wanted to run, but his legs were made of jello and refused to cooperate in any form. 

"Keith?" Shiro tried again, but received no response. He tangled his hand into raven hair and pulled gently to twist Keith's head towards him.

Keith kept his eyes closed. He knew what this was, what was about to be spoken, but Shiro was playing dirty. He knew Keith couldn't run from this, not right now.

A hand cupped his face before lips massaged his own in tender kiss.

"You said I could tell you after." Keith squeezed his eyes shut tighter, as if doing so could shut out the words floating to his ears. "Keith, look at me."

Keith shook his head and Shiro's hand fell from his face, allowing Keith to bury his face again.

Shiro sighed, a defeated sound, and Keith thought he had won. 

"I love you, Keith."

A choked sound escaped his lips, muffled by his own desire to keep it silent and the sheets in his face.

"I don't know how you feel, and it's OK if you don't." But fuck, Shiro sounded miserable. "But I just thought you should know what this means to me every time you come to see me."

Keith could feel the tears wetting the sheets. He had known it was coming, but he had convinced himself it would be next time, every time. He hadn't expected this to be next time. He came to be destroyed, but fuck if Shiro had destroyed him emotionally too.

"Keith?" Shiro questioned hesitantly.

"I have to go." Keith mumbled, hastily turning his back to Shiro. He clumsily rolled off the bed, his knees wobbled on his weight and his thighs shook. The cum that he had fallen into and that was dribbling from his ass was cooling and drying, like a paste, to his skin, but he couldn't be bothered with it as he slid his suit on and grabbed his armor.

Shiro had remained silent, even when a broken sob escaped Keith's lips as he unlocked the door and opened it.

He stumbled to his own bedroom, stripped of his clothes quickly and sobbed unabashedly into his pillow. This wasn't allowed to happen. For all that Shiro did know of Keith, he had never met his dark side.


	2. Dark Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith attempts to cope with his anger and frustration, but the only way he knows how is through Shiro. Shiro isn't an option for him any longer, at least that's what he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that some new tags have been added. There is slight mention of suicide in this chapter. This chapter is pretty dark and twisted. You've been warned. 
> 
> Featuring lyrics from Dark Side by Bishop Briggs.
> 
> Per usual, this has not been beta'd so I apologize for all mistakes in advance.
> 
> And as always, kudos and comments fuel my quintessence. ♡♡♡

_Welcome to my darkness, I been here a while_  
_Clouding up the sunlight, hurting for a smile_  
_Or something, but something always turns into nothing_

Keith awoke to an empty feeling, but an anger was brewing deep within his gut. He could feel it bubbling, boiling over and burning at his insides like a water pot sitting on the stove top far too long. He had to put a lid on it before it dispersed all over. He couldn't turn to Shiro for the release of it, not this time. Not when Shiro had spoken those words to him.

Shiro didn't know what he would be getting himself into. Keith wasn't gentle and tender like Shiro was. He was a monster. Sharp edges, pointy teeth, blood stained claws and a temper that couldn't be calmed. No one had ever been able to handle him. Not in a relationship. Everyone that got close to Keith either ran or died. 

It was something Keith had learned the hard way. Put up facades around the people he cared for to keep them far from his heart where they couldn't get hurt, or couldn't hurt him in return. As time went on, Keith learned to wield this like a weapon. He learned to get what he wanted and needed from people, without getting too close. Emotions were difficult and messy, but using people was easy.

It was odd at first, when he discovered, after several times of painful outcomes in both familial and romantic relationships, that he felt no remorse when he used people. People had used him before, so why shouldn't he?

Sure he was familiar with the pain it caused. He knew it first hand, but it also exasperated him that others couldn't just learn to suck it up and deal with it like he had been forced to do. Toughen up or get the fuck out.

But Shiro…. Shiro didn't know. Sure he had been hurt before, but not at the level Keith was capable of hurting him. But Shiro was also the person he trusted the most, and it left him in a dilemma because, truth be told, he didn't want to hurt Shiro. He just wanted to use his cock to relieve his pent up frustrations and go back to being friends right after.

Allowing emotions to shine through would just destroy everything, so Keith buried his and cursed Shiro for sharing his own. 

It wasn't fair. Keith had tried so hard, but then, like everyone else, Shiro had hurt him. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone. Things were fine the way they were before those words. Why break what they had?

Keith ripped his blankets from the tangled mess of his own limbs, stormed across his room and punched the wall. The pain shot like electricity through his knuckles, cascading up his hand to settle in his wrist and tingle up his forearm.

"Ass hole." He muttered between clenched teeth, because Shiro was an ass hole. Destroying what they had, and for what? 

It took everything in his being to not storm into Shiro's room and beg of him why. Why say that? Why not just let it be? He huffed a sigh and leaned heavily on the wall. What was he supposed to do now? Their late night excursions had nearly become routine. He had nothing left.

Well… two options, but neither appealed to him. He could share his own feelings and attempt a relationship that was guaranteed to fail or completely reject Shiro from this point on, thus destroying their friendship.

"Fuck." He growled. 

Maybe he could just die. In battle. Go out with a bang. That would solve all his issues. He sighed, feeling the darkness curl around his heart. He didn't want to. It wasn't something he ever really wanted to do. Not at least by his own hands, but being dead always seemed like it would make things easier. He didn't know what happened after death, but he was certain he wouldn't be in this dilemma anymore. It was a fleeting thought, not one that stayed in his mind for long because he would never have it in him to do it. Perhaps if he was a bit reckless it would come on its own, but otherwise he'd be left to suffer his woes. Toughen up or get the fuck out.

_Oh, I drain your life 'til there's_  
_nothing left but your blood shot eyes_  
_Oh, I take my time 'til I show you how I feel inside_  
_Welcome to my dark side_

"PALADINS, GET TO YOUR LIONS!" Allura's voice boomed through his room following a familiar alarm, and for a brief second Keith thought it was like a calling. His thoughts dark and angry. He rushed down to Red, ignoring the uncomfortable itch of dried cum on his suit from the night before.

"Alright team, listen up…" Shiro's voice was raspy over the intercom as Red came to life, and Keith shuddered at the sound. 

"We have a distress call from a planet. It's not very detailed so we're going in blind."

"Oh greeaaat." Lance's voice drawled in exasperation. 

"You know man, I'm really sick of going in blind!" Hunk whined. "Can't we just know what we're getting into? If I'm going to die, I want to know why?"

"Hunk, we're not going to die." Pidge growled.

"Keith? You good?" Shiro asked, and Keith frowned. Of course he'd call him out. Speak his name. It was always him to check up. Even before they were thrown into an intergalactic war. Before Kerberos. 

"All go." Keith said sternly. Fighting back his urge to whimper instead. 

"Ok, let's move out." Shiro said after a heavy pause. 

They flew right into a Galra battle cruiser. It wasn't a particularly spectacular battle. No serious injuries incurred, but it was long and arduous. Keith knew he was being brash, flying in head first without the approval of their ass hole leader. He knew he wasn't being a team player, awaiting the game plan like everyone else. But he was angry and frustrated and the rattle of his lion as it dodged lasers from the various fighter ships floating around the battle cruiser shook him in a way that relieved some of the tension.

He vaguely registered Shiro cursing. He vaguely registered Hunk spewing nonsensical phrases. He vaguely registered the sigh from Pidge and the stutters from Lance. He just fought with all the built up aggression he could. It was stupid. It was dangerous, but they won.

_I can be your reckless, you can be my stain_  
_I can be your heartache, you can be my shame_  
_When you're feeling reckless, when you're feeling chained_  
_When there's nothing left but pain_  
_Welcome to my dark side_  
_We're gonna have a good time_

When they returned to the castle, Shiro had found him. He placed a heavy hand on Keith's shoulder and spoke in a deep concerned voice. "Keith, are you okay? What happened out there?"

Keith shuddered under the touch, his body reacting to the proximity of his stress reliever and the voice that broke him, but he played it off by shrugging Shiro's hand off his shoulder. "I'm fine." He muttered, taking another step towards the exit of the hangar where the lions had landed. 

"You don't seem fine." Shiro continued, following him and grasping onto his wrist. He tugged and Keith turned around, glaring at Shiro.

"I said, I'm fine." He bit out between clenched teeth.

"Then why are you being so stupid?"

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. The deep concern that was placating Shiro's tone before was replaced with the normal leader tone he took with everyone else, but never with Keith. Keith wasn't sure if the other paladins ever noticed it, but to him it had always been obvious. Still, the sudden change in tone wasn't the finality of the blow. It was the words themselves. Shiro, sweet Shiro. Kind Shiro. Where did he go and who had replaced him? Shiro couldn't even tell anyone they had said something that offended him, never mind call someone a name.

"Stupid?" It fell from Keith's lips in a whispered whimper. Not at all how he wanted to express this. He wanted to be angry. Who gave Shiro the right? 

"You risked the safety of the whole team with your stunts today." Shiro continued, tone still flat and reprimanding. "You need to think about everyone else before you do some shit like that again."

Keith hadn't realized how tightly Shiro's hand had been wrapped around his wrist until it was released, and his fingers began to tingle. Shiro pushed past him, knocking his shoulder into Keith's, his face twisted in fury.

No. This wasn't Shiro. What was happening? He had made plenty of mistakes before. He had done plenty of stupid things before, but never had Shiro been angry about it. Disappointed perhaps, but never angry. If anything, Shiro had always lifted Keith from the ground when he had dug himself into a hole. He had always had his back. He had never judged his decisions, only advised him to try harder next time or make better decisions next time. Shiro had never even gazed at Keith with disdain in all the years they'd known each other. This… this was something new. 

Keith swallowed the lump in his throat and finally noticed the other paladin spectators. There was a mix of shock, disbelief and concern written across their faces, but Keith couldn't be sure whom those emotions were for. Keith because of his reckless behavior, or Shiro because of his sudden temper?

He swallowed again before turning and leaving. He tried to make it appear casual, but as soon as the doors closed behind him, he set off down the hallway in a run. 

Shiro was mad at him, but for some reason it made his heart flutter. The fires that burned in his glaring eyes made his lungs shudder in their breaths. If Shiro was mad, he could take it out on Keith. He could. Keith wanted him to. No, he needed him to. He needed to feel that fury in his thrusts. He needed to feel that rage in his grip on his hips, his thighs, and his throat.

He hadn't even realized he was at Shiro's door until he was banging on it fervently. It took a moment for Shiro to open it, but he appeared guarded. His stance defensive, and eyes shielded as they squinted with distrust at Keith, but it was everything he wanted and needed. Keith forced himself into the room before smashing their lips together in a needy, sloppy kiss.

He growled in frustration when Shiro forcefully pushed him away. "No Keith." He said, voice stern. 

"Yes!" Keith shouted back, the pot finally boiling over, the cover having exploded off leaving the water room to move and flow and bubble.

"Keith, stop." Shiro said, declining his advances once more with a firm and unmoving palm to his chest armor. "We're not doing this. What you did was careless. You could have died and you could have caused everyone else to die too. You need to wait for orders, and this…" he gestured vaguely between the two of them, "I'm not going to reward you for your behavior today."

Keith stopped pushing forward to shoot a glare at Shiro. "It's not a reward." He said just as sternly, unable to admit it was his punishment. Unable to admit he enjoyed being punished.

Something shuddered in Shiro's face, the facade breaking momentarily before it returned. "I'm not doing this with you anymore, Keith." His voice shook with uncertainty, giving way to his hesitation.

"Why?" Keith tested with a slight push forward, and discovered Shiro's elbow was no longer locked. There was still pressure holding him back, but he managed a step closer. "Do I not please you?" 

Shiro inhaled deeply. "You know you do." His voice wavered between stern and defeated.

"Then fuck me." Keith offered, pushing forward again and discovering he was another small space closer. "Fuck me like you mean it. Show me how pissed off you are at me."

"Keith, no." Shiro said, voice soft suddenly as his face contorted into confusion and concern.

"Why?" Keith demanded in return, jaw clenching as he fought himself to not push Shiro in his frustration.

"I don't want to hurt you." 

"I need you to hurt me, Shiro." But fuck if it wasn't the most honest thing Keith had ever said to Shiro before. 

"That's… that's not healthy." Shiro's eyes were like storm clouds as they searched Keith's desperately.

_Acting like I'm heartless, I do it all the time_  
_That don't mean I'm scarless, that don't mean I'm fine_  
_But you'll see, when someone else makes you this way_  
_Oh, I drain your life 'til there's nothing left, but your blood shot eyes_  
_Oh, I take my time 'til I show you how I feel inside_

Keith huffed a sigh. "You're an ass hole, Shiro." He ground out, turning around to leave, but Shiro grasped his wrist again, twisting it to Keith's chest and pulled him towards him. Keith leaned heavily into him. His back resting against Shiro's chest. He couldn't feel it, just the pressure, his annoying armor was still on, but he could feel Shiro's fingers tight around his wrist, and he wanted to moan at the sensation.

"You can't just tell me you love me." Keith muttered. "You know what this is. Just us fucking. It's been like that. This whole time. You can't just go and change the fucking rules. So unless you're going to fuck me, let me go."

Shiro was silent for a moment, but he didn't let go and his voice was soft and pained as he spoke. "I didn't change any rules. There's never been rules. We've never even discussed what this is. I still don't know. I don't understand you half of the time, but I do know that what I feel for you is so strong that when I thought I was going to lose you today, I froze. I know that when you're near me, I just want to touch you. I want to always touch you. I know that when you're not around it feels like my insides have been ripped out and there's a gaping hole there. I love you, Keith. I'm not trying to change the rules of whatever this is. I'm trying to make it better because right now it hurts us both."

Keith scoffed. "You want to know what hurts?" He struggled against the grasp on his wrist, trying to pull away but realizing only then that Shiro had used his galra arm. "You not letting this be what it's been. You saying those stupid fucking words to me. You don't love me, Shiro. You don't even know me. You only know who I want you to perceive me as. You have no idea what I'm capable of, and unless you want to get hurt, you'll let me go right now and never speak of this again."

Shiro was silent for too long, his hand flexing slightly as if he was debating whether or not to let Keith go. "I'd still like to fuck, but if you can't do that without falling in love with me like an ass hole, then it needs to stop right now."

Shiro sighed but finally let go of Keith's wrist. "I can't just stop loving you Keith. Maybe I do only know what you've shown me, and maybe I won't love this version of you that you've been hiding from me, but I won't ever know unless I try, and I think you're worth trying for."

Keith could feel it. That pinch and twist in his heart. The weight on his lungs. The pit in his stomach. Shiro was doing it again. Hurting him emotionally. He didn't need that. He needed the physical pain. The pain mixed with the pleasure. "Fine." He bit, stepping towards the door and muttering before he left. "Be a fucking ass hole then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith is being a certified dick to Shiro, but give him a little leniency. I promise it will get better, just be a believer.


	3. Wild Horses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro reflects on how they got to this point, and contemplates his options for resolving this misunderstanding between himself and Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring lyrics from Bishop Briggs' Wild Horses.
> 
> Change in view, we're seeing a bit from Shiro's side of the story now, and starting off where it had all started for them.
> 
> Per usual, this has not been beta'd, so I apologize for the many mistakes. 
> 
> And as always, kudos and comments fuel my quintessence. ♡♡♡

_You hold me down in the best way_  
_No quarter from these chains that I've_  
_Slapped on my heart for a feeling_  
_Why can't I let my demons lie?_

Shiro knew it wasn't a good idea the moment Keith came into his room pacing. His body stiff with frustration, and his steps loud against the floor beneath him. The thoughts flew through his head anyways, as he let his eyes travel over Keith's lithe body. His small frame, long legs, and tight ass. He let himself chew his lip as he idly observed. He learned early on not to prod or poke Keith for information. He would share it when he was ready, but most of the time he needed some moments to collect his thoughts before he spoke.

So he watched and waited. Eyebrow slowly raising when Keith suddenly stopped his pacing and deflated before him with a sag of his shoulders and a loud exaggerated sigh.

"I can't fucking do this." He finally said, but Shiro wasn't following, unsure of what _this_ was. So he waited for more information and remained silent until Keith finally spoke again. "Every time we go out, I come back so keyed up. It's like I want to keep fighting, but we're done. Clocked out for the day."

Shiro hummed, the noise drawing Keith's attention, and he turned to face him, like he was waiting for the almighty advice Shiro was about to offer. "It's your adrenaline. It's normal." Almighty advice all right.

Keith blinked at him twice, as if trying to digest the information but coming up short as his frown deepened. "Ok, yeah, sure, but what do I do about it?"

Shiro cringed and shrugged.

"Well what do you do?"

Ah… but that wasn't a question he wanted to answer. Keith and him had never discussed anything on that level, and he couldn't just come out and say he masturbates. He was certain Keith wouldn't take to that well. Nor could he suggest they mess around instead so they could both be relieved at the same time. Not that Shiro hadn't thought about it the second Keith came into his room so keyed up.

Apparently he had taken too long to respond. "What the fuck am I supposed to do then?" Keith said, venom in his words like Shiro had personally insulted him. "I just want to…" he threw his hands up in the air before a growl escaped his lips. "I don't know!"

"Ok, ok, calm down, Keith." Shiro said, approaching him and laying a hand on his shoulder. "You just need to find a productive way to burn the rest of your adrenaline." 

"Yeah, but like what?" There was that question again.

"Uh…" Shiro removed his hand to scratch at the back of his neck. "You could go to the training deck." 

"I tried that already, it doesn't work. I just have more built up adrenaline. I just… I want to…" Keith looked away, a small blush creeping his cheeks. "I don't know." He finally muttered. 

Shiro gave a moment to his thoughts, letting the room remain silent as Keith squirmed in his own embarrassment. Shiro didn't want to jump to conclusions, or make assumptions for the other paladin's actions, but he was finding it difficult not to circle back to it. They could. They would both benefit from it. It didn't have to mean anything. It could just be two friends, releasing built up tension, alone in space. But what kind of ass hole would he be if he was reading the signs wrong? Just because he knew Keith was gay too, didn't mean he was automatically attracted to Shiro. Granted, Shiro was very attracted to Keith, but it definitely didn't mean it was a mutual thing, and Keith had never shown any interest in him… not that he could remember.

Or… maybe he had. When he was dating Adam? Shiro frowned remembering very clearly Adam telling him Keith obviously had a crush on Shiro. But that was years ago, Keith was a kid back then. 17. There's no way he still did, and even if he was attracted to him on some level still, he wouldn't be for long when Shiro undressed, his body littered in scars.

"Don't hurt your brain, old timer." Keith said, bringing Shiro's attention to his snickering face. Shiro shook his head and grinned.

"Just trying to come up with some options to help you out." He offered with a shrug, hoping the hot spread on his face wasn't a visible blush.

Keith sighed, his grin transforming into a frown. "Can I be honest with you?" He said, avoiding eye contact with Shiro by tracing the path of the wall lights with his gaze.

"Of course, Keith." Shiro replied sincerely, his own embarrassment fading as soon as he noticed the change in his friend's demeanor.

"I…" The blush came back, it was a beacon on his cheeks, burning bright and red, and his chest quivered with his quickening breaths. "I think I need to get laid." He whispered before quickly turning away. 

Shiro swallowed the lump in his throat. Ok. Did he even hear that correctly? Had Keith really just brought it there? Was it an invitation or just a statement shared? Most importantly, as the silence hung between them, and Keith's shoulders stopped rising and falling as he held his breath, what the hell was Shiro supposed to say to that?

He inhaled deeply and let out a nervous chuckle. "You and me both." He hoped his shaky voice made his words seem light and airy, but he doubted it.

"Yeah?" Keith said, his tone slightly questioning, but flat, leaving Shiro wondering if it was even a question to begin with. "So…" Keith cleared his throat, still keeping his back to Shiro. "Will you fuck me then?"

_Keep screaming into the pillow_  
_'Cause your taste still gets me stupid high_  
_Oh glory, I'm a believer_  
_Oh glory, I'm a trier_

"Oh.." Shiro blinked at Keith's back, his mind taking far too long to process the question. This was happening? Really? Like… Keith wanted this to happen?

"Sorry," Keith muttered, wrapping his arms around himself. "That was stupid. I'm stupid. I shouldn't have asked you that. It was stupid. Fuck, I'm sorry Shiro."

"Wait… no… I… fuck…" Shiro sputtered as Keith turned to make his way out of the room. "Wait." He tried again once Keith reached the door. He paused, looking over his shoulder through his bangs at Shiro like a guarded dog.

Shiro sighed as he searched Keith's face, like he could see through the walls he had put up, but he couldn't. All he could see was a defensive stance and guarded eyes. Right. Keith was pulling away, but Shiro couldn't let him. Not because of the sex, but because he couldn't hurt Keith. The sex was just an added bonus. "Yes." He finally said, but Keith squinted a glare at him.

"Yes?" Keith questioned, reminding Shiro that he wasn't a mind reader.

"Yes. I think that's a great idea Keith." Shiro said, trying to sound light and praising, even though he could feel his hands trembling at his sides with nerves. "That way we both can get what we need after battles." Fuck. Shiro cringed. He just turned Keith's one time request into something more semi permanent. Something repetitive without seeing if Keith was OK with it.

Keith dropped his gaze to the floor and hunched his shoulders forward slightly. "You mean you'll fuck me?" He asked hesitantly.

Shiro inhaled a shaky breath. "Yes." Would it be too cheesy to say he'd be honored to? But fuck if Keith hadn't had his eye since he woke up and saw him after landing on Earth. Perhaps it was just the length in time since he'd been intimate with anyone. Perhaps it was how much Keith had grown into himself. Perhaps it was neither, but whatever it was, Shiro couldn't keep his gaze from Keith.

"Ok." Keith said, interrupting Shiro's train of thought as he leaned against the wall and chewed on his bottom lip nervously. "Like… right now?" Keith cringed. "Please?" 

The small added manner had Shiro's stomach quiver. It was a small pathetic mewl of a noise, but something that ignited Shiro to the core.

Shiro had tried his best not to let his mind travel too far when it came to Keith. He could look, observe and appreciate, but he refused to allow himself daydreams of touching him. He didn't want to fall into some false sense of imagination where Keith wanted it as well, but here he was, admitting he did, and Shiro wasn't sure how to handle it.

Keith approached Shiro first, his gait awkward and hesitant as he avoided making eye contact with Shiro, but when he was a mere breath away from the other paladin, he stopped. "Do you have… lube… or something?" He asked. Shiro could see the red tainting his cheeks, even beneath his long bangs. 

"Uh.. yeah… uhm…" Shiro swallowed nervously before he turned to the small drawer encased in the wall and grabbed a small tube he'd picked up from one of their travels on a rescue mission. Well, to say he had picked it up was a lie. He had been offered it by one of the locals. _"Big man need good times. This make good times easy."_ The creature was weird, and Shiro had been hesitant to use the product at first, but saliva wasn't his favorite lubrication method, and contrary to his worries, nothing weird happened after he used the product. 

Keith had a finger to his lips, pulling idly at the flesh and running his fingertip over it. His gaze was dark when he met Shiro's, and it was a look he had never imagined seeing from Keith before.

Keith dropped his hand from his bottom lip to reach for the bottle. "I'll do it." He said, leaving Shiro standing there as Keith walked around him, removed his pants, and crawled on Shiro's bed, displaying his ass in the air.

Shiro's jaw dropped, and he fought back a moan as he watched in awe as Keith lubed up his fingers before sliding one in his ass.

It was happening so quickly, and yet Shiro felt frozen as the world around him moved. More specifically as Keith rocked back onto his fingers. Yes. Fingers. Keith had already slid a second one in. But Shiro had been distracted by the hitch in his breathing and the curve of his back whenever that had happened. 

"Ke…" Shiro couldn't even finish his name. Not when a third finger was quickly added and Shiro could see the stretch of skin around those digits. 

"Almost done." Keith said, his voice breathy as he rocked back and rammed in at the same time. 

Shiro could only lick his lips and swallow around the lump in his throat. This was happening? Was he dreaming? Was Keith really on his bed? Opening himself up in front of him? For him?

"Ready." 

The room fell silent, the only sound made was the slight squelching as Keith removed his fingers to reveal his gaping ass hole. It clenched in pulses, as if begging to be filled.

Then Keith looked over his shoulder, his eyes dark pools of blue, but quickly uncertainty flashed through them. "Sorry." He muttered, burying his face in his arms and curling on himself, hiding his ass from view.

"No… nononono." Shiro sputtered out, stepping towards him. "Don't be." He exhaled and reached for Keith's hips. Fuck. He was touching him now, and the soft warm skin beneath his hands was intoxicating. "You're... " Shiro had lost his vocabulary as he pulled at Keith's hips to shift him back into position. "Wow." 

Keith let out a nervous scoff. "Shut up." He muttered, the sound muted by his arms. 

Shiro inhaled, letting his hands rub across Keith's ass before releasing him to fumble with the zipper of his pants. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"Mmhmm." Was the only quiet response he got before he was handed the bottle of lube.

Shiro lathered it on himself, doubting that Keith had prepared himself long enough. He wasn't sure how often Keith had had sex before, or if he'd slept with anyone since they'd been to space, but it was a passing thought he quickly pushed from his mind. Right now, Keith was his.

He lined himself up with the quickly shrinking hole, and pushed in slowly. Fuck. Keith was so tight around him it was almost painful. The hiss from Keith made him stop.

"Keep going." Keith ground between clenched teeth. "Fuck, you feel so good." He nearly whimpered. 

It took all of Shiro's power to not collapse on top of Keith when he bottomed out. Instead, he gripped at his hips as he felt Keith's muscles contract around him. It felt like only a second before Keith was groaning, "Fuck me."

But who was Shiro to deny him? It had to be painful, but Keith needed this, right? To release his tension… or something? Shiro's brain wasn't connecting the pieces together anymore. Not when Keith was grinding his ass against him. He squeezed his hips a little tighter, forcing Keith to stop moving. But if Keith was going to moan the way he did when Shiro tightened his grip, then Shiro might not be able to stop himself from cumming right then and there. 

"Fuck me, Shiro." Keith whined, the sound so pathetic and desperate that Shiro had to oblige.

So he rocked forward slightly, and there was that dirty sound again. The moan of a porn star. The moan of a whore. If Keith sounded like this on his cock, Shiro would be happy to call him his whore.

He pulled back slowly, feeling the way Keith's muscles tried to pull him back in, before he pushed back.

"Harder."

Harder. Shiro could do harder. He snapped his hips, and Keith moaned again. 

"Harder." He begged some more. Shiro could. Shiro would. And he did, but Keith still wasn't pleased, even as his moans became louder. "Harder. Fuck." Keith moaned, interrupting himself. "Fuck me like you mean it." He bit out in an angry tone.

But Shiro didn't want to hurt him. His hips were already slapping mercilessly against Keith's ass in loud claps, but Keith wanted more. Could he really take it?

Shiro learned quickly, as Keith met every thrust with his own backwards push, that he could handle it, but Shiro was close. Too close. He could feel it coiling within, and at this pace and with Keith moaning the way he was, he was going to explode in no time.

Shiro released Keith's hip, his galra hand wrapped around Keith's cock, and he pumped in time with his thrusts, but the noises Keith was making changed, they sounded desperate and his body was shaking, then the muscles around Shiro's cock clenched, sending him over the edge with Keith.

Keith collapsed beneath him, forcing Shiro's cock to fall from his ass as it softened, but also trapping Shiro's hand beneath him where it was still wrapped around Keith's own softening member.

Shiro leaned forward and rolled himself next to Keith, heaving a sigh as his muscles began to relax. "Feel better?" His voice was breathy, but the silence that hung between them was heavy and awkward, forcing Shiro to break it before he had caught his own breath.

"Mmm." Keith said, rolling his head to face Shiro and offering him a sleepy smile before his heavy lids closed.

He fell asleep, with Shiro trapped beneath his weight. Not that Shiro couldn't move him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, instead he spent the time tracing every line of Keith's face and body with his gaze, and a few with his fingertips as his brain tried to compute that this moment really happened.

_You call my truth in the worst way_  
_Through the dirty lands of a broken smile_  
_And I swear I'm not a pretender_  
_Sometimes it's love who's the biggest liar_

But it happened again. And again. And again. Every time they battled, Keith would find him, release his tension in an explosion of cum on his bed sheets, or in his mouth, or against the wall, or on the floor. Something in the way that Keith would scream his name as he came. Something in the way that Keith would moan on his cock. Something in the way that Keith would push Shiro to fuck him so hard, so rough, that made it addictive.

Shiro learned pretty quickly that Keith loved when he used his galra arm. He couldn't be certain what it was, but the lost look in Keith's eyes every time he used it to jerk his cock or choke his neck was so intense that it made Shiro wonder why he ever doubted Keith's desire for him.

Slowly, over time, that addictive feeling became something more. It was murky in the waters of lust, but it was there. It had always been there really, just in a different form. A care for Keith, a love. Perhaps once like a brother, but now it was deep and coiled and nested within him. This desire and need to make Keith happy no matter what the cost.

He was gone. On Keith, but Keith never expressed any emotions, just unadulterated lust. He would come. They would fuck. He would cum. He would leave. At first, he wouldn't leave. At first he would fall asleep wherever they were, exhausted and satiated, but slowly the time he spent with Shiro after as he recovered shortened, until it was gone. This just made Shiro crave it more.

He wanted to hold Keith in his arms, snuggle with him until morning, even when they were both covered in two layers of sweat and cum flaked off their skin, but Keith kept pulling away farther the deeper Shiro fell for him.

But Shiro was nothing if not persistent and stubborn. He tried. Offering simple "Just lay back down, you don't have to leave." And other times, "Relax Keith, rest first." But Keith had none of it. He'd put his clothes back on and retreat, leaving Shiro longing for that intimate contact.

_So, I'll keep on damning the devil_  
_And you'll keep on saying it's alright_  
_Oh glory, I'm a believer_  
_Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but_

But that night… he couldn't take it anymore. He needed Keith to know, but Keith had practically spit in his face as a response. Rushing into battle as if his life was unimportant. As if Shiro hadn't explained how much Keith meant to him the night before.

This angry side of Keith was nothing new, even as he called Shiro an ass hole and stormed out of the room. Shiro knew this Keith, he thought he knew all of Keith, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe Keith hadn't shown him all of the pieces. Maybe he was still hiding, but Shiro knew he loved the parts of Keith he had met so far, and he was certain there was no aspect of Keith he couldn't love, he just had to prove that to Keith.

He sighed and leaned against the wall heavily, head hanging. He should run after Keith, it was the right thing to do, but he knew Keith too well. He knew that Keith didn't always take to the right things the right way. In fact, most of the time, Keith was offended when someone tried to do the right thing. He sighed again and scrubbed at his face. So what was the right thing to do with Keith? Listen to him? Give up on his feelings?

That wasn't going to happen. They existed and dwelled within him like an unstoppable fire. Like galloping horses in a field, free and wild. Just being around Keith was like an anchor to the shore. Holding him down and keeping him sane. Balanced. Whole. Shiro knew it was tangled and twisted with the vines of lust, but there was more to it. More to his feelings and desires for Keith.

But Keith’s reaction was like a punch in the gut. Shiro wasn’t going to give up on Keith, he wasn’t going to ignore his feelings for him either, but the reality was, he was bordering on being pretty creepy if he didn’t let it go. If Keith didn’t feel the same way for him, that was fine, but if Keith wasn’t going to let him feel that way towards him either, then there was nothing he could do to resolve it.

Keith was equally as stubborn and persistent with things as Shiro was, and right now they were just two rams, butting heads until what? One of them gave up? Shiro never gave up. Keith never gave up, but one of them would have to. Shiro played with the idea. He couldn’t force Keith to reciprocate, but wouldn’t he be causing harm to Keith if he tried? If he kept things going. Granted, one of them was going to get hurt. Hurt was something Shiro could handle, but he couldn’t handle being the one to cause unwanted harm to Keith. 

Shiro sighed again, finding himself in an endless loop with no answers. Maybe if he tried when Keith wasn’t so riled up. They had both just come from a battle after all. That was the only time Keith ever saw him anyways. Maybe if he approached him under different circumstances. It was no guarantee, Keith seemed to work much better under regular circumstances. Throwing Keith off balance was a big risk. He could either embrace the change, or lash out at the change. 

It was a risk he had to take. It was his only option. He would wait. He had to be patient. Keith was worth it all. He was worth every bit of confusion, pain, awkwardness, uncomfortableness and unbearableness Shiro was about to endure.

Keith wanted to call Shiro an ass hole? Shiro could show Keith how much of an ass hole he could be. An underhanded ass hole. He was playing dirty, he knew it, but Keith wasn’t listening. He had to make Keith listen. He needed Keith to listen, otherwise this was going to end right here and right now, and Shiro wasn’t willing to throw it away because of a misunderstanding. 

It was settled then. Shiro was going to wait until things had calmed down. He was used to waiting. He was used to being patient to get his way, and dammit, Keith was going to listen to him if nothing else. He was going to hear him and soak in his words, not in some lust induced haze, keyed up after battle, and horny. He was going to absorb Shiro’s words until he understood and then calmly make his own decision on the matter. Shiro would respect whatever decision Keith made at that point, when he was level headed and unblinded by desire.

_Wild horses, wild horses_  
_Wild horses run faster, run faster, run faster!_  
_Wild horses run faster, run faster, run faster!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... originally I had planned on Wild Horses being the last chapter of this story, but sometimes (all the time) these boys just take me on a whole different journey. With that being said, I'll be searching for another song to add to the roster for the next chapter. This may or may not result in a later than usual update for the next chapter. I'll try to update this end note when I figure things out a bit more.
> 
> *****UDATE AUG. 25*****  
Working on the chapter! Shooting for delivery this Wednesday. ♡
> 
> (PS: follow me, chat with me, send me some Sheith prompts, whatever on Twitter @chibichocopaws )


	4. Dead Man's Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro has been searching for the perfect time to confront Keith, but it seems the odds are against him... even when they seem to not be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Keith is a certifiable ass hole in this chapter. I promise it will get better.... eventually. 
> 
> Per usual, this has not been beta'd so forgive the many mistakes.
> 
> And as always, kudos and comments fuel my quintessence!
> 
> Also, feel free to bug me, send me prompts, whatever on twitter @ chibichocopaws

_That's you, oh lord_  
_You got more bones than a graveyard_  
_It's true, oh lord_  
_There's more love in a dead man's arms_

Getting Keith alone was a task in and of itself. One Shiro was finding far more difficult than he had planned for, especially with the frequency of distress calls they had been receiving.

Every day seemed to bring a new battle with the Galra. Shiro was certain this was the build up leading to finale. The farther they travelled, the closer they seemed to come to battle cruisers, and perhaps even Zarkon himself. 

The issue often times seemed such an unimportant factor when forming Voltron, but in the aftermath, when they returned to the castle, and Shiro bore witness to Keith's unmanageable adrenaline, it became harder and harder not to offer Keith the outlet.

At times Shiro even found himself arguing internally, trying to convince himself that one time wouldn't hurt anything. It's not like Shiro didn't crave it either, but it would completely negate his goal: getting Keith to hear him out and make a rational decision in a calm manner.

Furthering his dilemma was simply finding a time when Keith wasn't keyed up. If they weren't in their lions, Keith was on the training deck, sleeping, eating or in the common area with the other paladins. But even in those short moments of quietness, Keith appeared to still be craving a release. The best way Shiro could describe him, was like a wild animal, cornered and contemplating playing dead, running for its life, or fighting. But the thing about Keith was, he always fought. Even when it wasn’t necessary. Fighting was his go to, and he was damn good at it. 

Still, Shiro needed to find the perfect time. The perfect setting. Everything had to be perfect or Keith would fight. Or flee. Neither was what needed to be done. It was as if all odds were against him. Or as if the planets of whatever solar system they were in now, needed to align perfectly. Nothing was working in his favor.

And as each day passed. As each battle was won. As each moment left Keith more frazzled and wound up than the last. The idea of just giving in and going back to their original plan of just fucking seemed to sound better and better. 

Shiro had tried to even set up the perfect moment, but something always seemed to stop it. The other paladins, Allura, Coran, a battle, a rescue, an emergency on the ship, a request for a supply run. Something always came up during the last minute, and at this rate Shiro, felt he would have to wait an eternity for the right moment.

Until that moment smacked him in the face in the form of a bright blue pillow as it sailed across the room and collided into his cheek.

"You're an ass hole." Keith muttered, but there was a lack of venom in his tone, and the grin on his face told Shiro it was more of a minor annoyance that brought Keith to say the words to him in the common room. No. The empty common room. 

Shiro reached down to grab the pillow and cautiously made his way to sit down on the sofa next to Keith, keeping a fair amount of distance between them to not make Keith feel crowded. He cradled the pillow in his lap, staring at its lack of seams and squeezing at its fluffiness. 

"I know." He admitted after a quiet moment. "And I'm sorry." Shiro frowned. That wasn't right though. Was he even sorry? He sure as hell wasn't sorry for admitting his feelings to Keith. That had to be done, and Shiro had put it off long enough until he couldn't hold it back anymore. So what was he sorry for? Breaking off the sex? He'd gone long enough without it before. Sure, it was a nice addition to his daily life, and he'd be lying if he said Keith wasn't damn good at that too, but he could go a lifetime without it if he could just have Keith back in his life.

Maybe that was it. Maybe he was sorry for ruining that friendship. Perhaps not the reason it was ruined, because he wouldn't take that back, but maybe if he had known how Keith was going to react he would have waited for a moment. A moment like this. A moment he was letting slip by him as he was lost in his own musings.

But Keith had remained quiet and still to his left, and that made Shiro nervous. Keith always seemed in control, until he suddenly wasn't. Was he about to snap? Shiro cautiously let his gaze travel to meet Keith's, but what he saw was tenderness and concern. Keith was unguarded. Finally. The planets had aligned. He wore the right socks today, or whatever that stupid ferret creature had muttered to him. Sal? Salv? It didn't matter his name. Shiro's moment was now. Keith would listen. Keith would hear him out.

Shiro shifted slightly, turning his body to face Keith's. "I am sorry, Keith, but that doesn't mean that what I said wasn't true."

_Falling on the deafest ears_  
_But I know you hear my tears_  
_Crying to the blindest eyes_  
_But I know you see the lies_

Keith's eyes squinted in a glare slightly, and Shiro inhaled a shaky breath awaiting the wrath, but Keith was still quiet. Still listening.

Shiro straightened his shoulders, daring himself to take the leap. Keith was giving him this opportunity. It was being presented to him on a silver platter, and here he was, stalling it out, trying to find the right words to use as if he hadn't practiced them every day in preparation for this moment. 

"Keith," He began, the name itself left his lips in a shaky breath. How was he going to do this? Keith appeared to still be open to listening. Maybe not so much with his glare, but he hadn't left yet, and he hadn't argued yet. It was now or never. "I understand if you don't feel that way towards me."

Shiro cringed when Keith broke eye contact, focusing on a loose thread on his shirt. He picked at it idly, but his face was now shrouded in his bangs. Shiro swallowed, steeling his nerves.

"And I would never force you to be involved in something you're not comfortable with."

Silence. He was still listening at the very least.

"I just want us to be on the same page here. I just need you to understand that what we've been doing means something to me. You mean something to me, Keith." Shiro sighed again, placing the pillow between them. He wanted to reach out and turn Keith's head to his own. He wanted to touch. Even in some kind of platonic way. He missed Keith, far more than he realized he would over the past few weeks. 

"It was something that you needed to know if we were to continue. I can't…." Shiro clenched his teeth and frowned. He could do this. He had to do this. "I can't just ignore my feelings for you. I want to continue this. I want to see where we wind up. Where this could lead. I want to be with you. I want to love you. But…" Shiro could feel his voice wavering with his emotions as they built up. He didn't want to offer some sort of ultimatum, for fear Keith would actually take him up on the offer of escape. "But if you feel we can't continue this with my emotions involved, or if you feel that there would be no chance of anything coming of us, then we should stop."

Shiro released a shaky breath in a long sigh. There. It was out in the open. He would give Keith the time to process it. The time to get all the words through his head.

_So blame it on the down below_  
_Take it from the weakest soul_  
_Bury all your sorrow_  
_Till the dead don't seem so cold_

He'd waited already, a few more minutes he could do as well, but Keith didn't need to give him that time. Instead, after a brief moment of silence between them, Keith spoke in a dark and dangerous voice that Shiro wasn't expecting. "Are you done?"

Shiro frowned, staring at Keith's shadowed face in confusion.

"Or is there more?" The venom was still there, and suddenly Shiro found himself back pedaling. This was not how he imagined it. At best Keith would fall into his arms and return the endearment. At worst Keith would let him down easy. Explain it was just about sex, and Keith could never really love him. This was neither. This was not what Shiro had prepared for in the prior weeks.

The glare was stronger when Keith lifted his head to stare at him, and suddenly Shiro felt like an annoying gnat floating around him. One Keith was ready to swat.

"This isn't, and won't ever be that." His tone was flat and gaze deadly. "I'm not sure what ever gave you the impression it could be. I was very clear that it was just sex. That it was a release. Did you just forget?" He ended in a condescending tone.

Shiro could feel the stabs of guilt and heartache in his chest. Like his heart itself was fracturing behind his chest bone. Splintering and falling apart. 

"You were there when we decided it." Keith continued, unphased by the pain etched on Shiro's face. "You were the one that even set those parameters. So don't sit here and pretend this was ever something more."

"You don't even really love me. Your idea of love is just lust. We can do that, but don't pretend you love me. I didn't want that. I don't want that. I just want you to fuck me."

_Maybe it's built of stone_  
_Maybe it's dark as coal_  
_It used to be a heart, I'm told_  
_But a heart needs blood to love_

Shiro's eyes burned with unshed tears. Keith was wrong. Shiro had loved before, and sure this love was woven with strands of lust he'd never experienced before, but he could feel the love there too. He was not mistaken in this.

"So if you're not going to fuck me, you can just go." 

Shiro swallowed. Things were falling to pieces so quickly, but Keith was staring at him expectantly. Waiting for an answer he wasn't ready to give. Should he ask for more time? Or was this a now or never situation? Keith's stone cold gaze was making Shiro lean more towards needing to give an answer now. 

The answer swirled in his head. It was an obvious yes. Of course he still wanted to sleep with Keith. He didn't want to leave, but he couldn't stop loving him. Keith hadn't technically said he had to anyways, but if he said yes he was going to want to move things slow. He was going to want to caress Keith. Open him up with his tongue. Cuddle with him when they were spent. Maybe in time. Maybe he could coax Keith into it. That was dirty and underhanded, but could he really walk away from this?

Keith just wanted sex afterall. It was just sex. Shiro could do sex. The other stuff was what he wanted. Could he pretend he had it with Keith? Was that even healthy?

Keith cleared his throat, and a scowl appeared on his lips. "Are we fucking or not?" He sounded bored and it pierced into Shiro's heart like a dagger. 

"Yeah." Shiro heard himself breath out, even as his heart palpitated in painful bursts within his chest.

Shiro was surprised when Keith shifted to straddle him. Oh. He meant fucking right now? Shiro's heart stuttered as Keith leaned forward, grinding himself into Shiro. Their faces were so close, if Shiro just moved slightly forwards they could kiss, but his dick betrayed his emotions as it hardened against the stimulation of Keith's grinding. 

Keith wasn't looking at him though. They rarely ever did things face to face like this. Most of the time Keith enjoyed being bent over and railed. This was different, even as Keith was staring down at himself.

They were in the common room though, and even as his dick strained against the cloth of his restricting pants, he was hesitant to move. They couldn't do it here.

Keith shifted, moving his lips next to Shiro's ear, and in a breathy whisper, said, "I want you to suck me off."

But they were still in the common room. Anyone could come in at any moment. But if Shiro denied any request of Keith's now, there was a high chance he'd leave and never return. Shiro wasn't able to accept that as an option. 

Instead, he nodded. He loved when he got to suck Keith off. Granted it wasn't too often because Keith loved getting fucked and always got off from just Shiro's cock, which had to probably be the biggest compliment to Shiro's sexual ego. So this, he'd take it as a treat. "Let's go to my room." He offered, but the dark chuckle next to his ear told him that was not going to happen.

Keith was kneeling above him, the motion so quick and sure, as he began unzipping his pants to remove his cock. It was swollen and red, irritated by the dry gyrations he'd put it through. It twitched in Keith's hand with need, as if begging to be lubricated with Shiro's mouth.

Keith moved to stand, bending slightly at his knees to align his cock with Shiro's mouth. One hand remained wrapped around it, rubbing it against Shiro's lips tantalizingly, and smearing the small bead of precum across his cheek. Keith's other hand wrapped around the back of Shiro's head before he slowly pushed himself into Shiro's mouth.

Keith hissed above him, but Shiro was lost in the stretch of his mouth around its girth, the weight of it against his tongue, the bitterness within his mouth and the heady smell of Keith from an activity full day. 

Shiro tried to bob his head, but Keith kept him there. Slowly pushing in until his cock was pushing down his throat and blocking his airways. He stayed there for a long time. Too long. Shiro tapped gently against Keith's thighs, something Keith had done when Shiro fucked his face too roughly, but Keith paid no mind. Shuddering above him and gasping for breath. Breath that Shiro couldn't have. His eyes began to tear up, he was sure his face was turning colors at this point, but Keith was leaning over him, not looking down.

He pulled out sharply, roughing up Shiro's throat with the quick exit. Shiro gasped loudly, feeling as if each breath just wasn't enough.

Keith was grinning down at him now though. "Hmm," he said playfully, "You look hot like that."

Had the tables turned so suddenly? Keith tended to be the submissive role in their sexual relationship. A brat most definitely, but he always gave in. This was different. Shiro was not in control, and he wasn't sure if he was totally into it, or legitimately scared of what Keith would do to them.

Shiro didn't mind a bit of rough housing, or a good fucking, but Keith definitely pushed the boundaries of pain and pleasure. It was fun to deliver, but he wasn't quite sure it was something he'd enjoy being on the receiving end of.

Keith didn't follow Shiro's train of thought though, still distracted by Shiro sucking him off. He pushed his cock back into Shiro's mouth, giving it a few shallow thrusts before pushing to the back of his throat again.

"Fuck." Keith muttered. Shiro tried to look up but Keith's shirt was blocking his view.

It wasn't long before Keith let loose, a few more shallow thrusts, a deeper one, then a few more shallow ones once more. His speed increased suddenly, taking Shiro by surprise. He lifted his arms to push Keith back, the thrusts were now deeper and rougher, making his throat open behind the force. He fought back the urge to gag as Keith's head rubbed against the muscle. But Keith quickly swatted away his hands, mercilessly fucking into his mouth and throat.

Shiro could feel the tears slide down his cheeks, they were cool against his heated skin, but his cock was slowly softening. The sexiness of the situation was melting away, being replaced by a physical pain which left Shiro wondering if he deserved it. Maybe this was Keith's way of retaliating for Shiro's ultimatum. It was fair. A sob escaped his lips between thrusts, and Keith moaned as it constricted his throat against his cock.

His hips stuttered and his hot seed spilled down Shiro's throat. It burned in the aftermath of the abuse. Shiro swallowed it, and kept attempting to swallow around his swollen throat even when Keith pulled out.

His vision was blurry, masked by the tears in his eyes. He could vaguely make out the shape of Keith moving in front of him, the sound of the zipper being the only thing that told him Keith was packing himself away.

"That was amazing, Shiro." Keith said, his hand falling on his shoulder before he heard the tell tale sign of retreating feet.

Keith had really just fucked his face and left. That was it. Nothing more. Not even satisfaction for his own half mast, a poor attempt from his cock to get attention even as his heart and brain didn't want it. 

Shiro inhaled a shaky breath and rubbed at his eyes before quickly and roughly wiping the tears from his cheeks. But the tears were still spilling and refusing to stop, like a broken water main, they just poured out.

_There's more love in a dead man's arms_


	5. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith breaks down, loses his bearings and makes a decision he believes he will regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Keith's side of things. 
> 
> This chapter was inspired by and featuring lyrics from the song Dream by Bishop Briggs.
> 
> Not beta'd per usual, so my apologies for the many mistakes.
> 
> And as always, kudos & comments fuel my quintessence. ♡♡

_Crying eyes, broken bells_   
_Back in course, no one tells_   
_Down we go, wish me well_   
_I don't know where we fell_

This wasn't what Keith was planning for. He had wanted to be alone. He thought he was finally safe in the common room. It was a silly mistake. He could have been alone in his bedroom, but the walls were becoming suffocating, and the noises in the ship from his room were far too eerie. The common room had a quiet buzz to it. A soft and relaxing sound that could only be heard in the complete silence.

So that's where he had wound up, trying to center himself, but Shiro had thrown him off balance. He had looked surprised to see Keith, then suddenly determined when his gaze swept across the room.

Keith hadn't meant to call him an ass hole. It had slipped out, but it hadn't been meant in a harmful way. Keith was over it. The entire situation. He missed Shiro. He didn't want to avoid him anymore. His company alone was calming, and if they could just go back to being friends that would work. They had been fine before the sex, but the sex was complicating their relationship.

In the weeks that had passed, Keith discovered a way to at least take the edge off his adrenaline. After missions he would go to the training deck and then pleasure himself in his bedroom. Sometimes he would use his fingers, but they hardly equated to Shiro's cock. Other times he would roughly jerk himself off. Everything was always rough. It needed to be to take the edge off. It wasn't a fix, and didn't even bar close to what Shiro did to him and his adrenaline pool, but it was enough to calm him and allow him some sleep. Even if his dreams were hardly peaceful.

But when Shiro began speaking, Keith couldn't help his frown. Shiro still didn't understand. He would only get hurt. He would die if he loved Keith. The red paladin wouldn't stand for that. He wouldn't allow the best person in his life to suffer. He needed to end this now. 

So the words that spewed from his mouth were foul. They would hurt now, but they would save Shiro from a lifetime of pain. Well a short lifetime. 

Keith hadn't expected Shiro to comply. He hadn't expected the "yeah" to whisper from his lips. He just wanted things to be simple again. A place where Keith could long for his best friend as more, without his best friend knowing. A place where Shiro didn't have emotions for him other than brotherly, and they weren't fucking, it was safe there.

But Shiro had complied. Agreed to just sex again, even after he told Keith it was all or nothing, and yet here they were. In the same mess they had been in before. 

But shit if Shiro's mouth didn't feel so good on his cock. Shiro was a pro. A master at the art of cock sucking, and Keith was gone. The gentle touches to his thigh wouldn't do though. He wouldn't stand for it. They couldn't do that. It was sex or no sex. Nothing more. He couldn't understand why Shiro didn't get it.

The orgasm that hit Keith suddenly was immensely overpowering. It made him shudder and tingle all over, and he could only wonder briefly why he ever thought the training deck and maturbation had ever been enough to sedate him.

But when Keith pulled out, he wasn't quite sure what was even going on anymore. Shiro didn't even seem interested, dick near flaccid in his pants. Keith frowned as Shiro stared up at him. Tears streamed down his face and a pang of guilt hit Keith's heart. He'd been too rough. But Shiro deserved to know it meant something to Keith."That was amazing, Shiro."

_Oh, I had a dream that you couldn't hear me screaming_  
_Trying to tell you everything but it wouldn't stop you leaving_  
_I wanna wake up where your love is_  
_'Cause your love is always waking mine_

But when Keith left the common room to head to his private quarters there was an ache in his heart. He wanted to tell Shiro so badly. He wanted to let his feelings pour out the way Shiro had allowed his own to pour out. But if Keith did that he would lose Shiro. One way or another. Either in death or abandonment.

Was it selfish of him to keep the feelings locked up and Shiro by his side, or was it selfish of him to expose the truth and lose Shiro because of it? Keith couldn't tell which scenario was worse. All he knew was that he wanted it. More than he wanted anything else in his life. He missed the moments he pretended it meant something, back before Shiro had developed feelings for him. But even back then Shiro had run into harm, nearly dying of wounds, and almost being eaten by alien monsters. So Keith nipped that quickly and Shiro was safe again.

It was an internal battle that left Keith curled on his bed, sobbing into his pillow. He couldn't decide what was worse, but both options were painful. 

The whole point of keeping Shiro at a distance was for it to not be painful, for either of them, but as he sobbed he just couldn't fathom how this internal pain could get any worse. He didn't want to risk Shiro's life, but could he really withstand this pain too?

It was as if Shiro's words had numbed him at first, but then those emotions crept through as the numbness dulled and faded, and now suddenly those emotions were just overbearing.

_I wanna break down where your heart gets_  
_So torn it's almost breaking mine_  
_I wanna lay here, lost and bitter_  
_So long, I feel like I could die_

This wasn't the first time he had found himself crying in his bed until sleep overtook him from exhaustion. If he had been honest with himself, the sobs may have also been a large factor in releasing his adrenaline in a sense. At least that's how frequently they came since Shiro admitted his feelings.

But his dreams were always the same. His subconscious linking directly with his heart in his slumber. Dreams of admitting to Shiro that he felt the same way, only for Shiro to tell him he no longer did. Sometimes Shiro would tell him he never did, but every time Shiro would perish immediately after, and Keith would wake up screaming. 

Today was a different dream, at first. Littered with kisses and sweet nothings that left dream Keith crying happy tears.

"I love you too." Shiro had said with a sparkle in his eyes. "I love you so much, Keith." He wrapped strong arms around him, and Shiro just seemed so much bigger then. And their surroundings had shrunk to a doll size until it was just them. 

Keith didn't know what he had said differently this time to attain Shiro's approval, but whatever it was he held on tightly. Squeezing around Shiro's chest like it was his own life line, but it was Shiro's.

"Keith, you're hurting me, let go." The voice was neutral and calm as if he wasn't even hurting Shiro.

But he couldn't, he just kept squeezing, and Shiro was shrinking in his arms. "Don't go." Keith choked out, squeezing tighter.

"Keith, you're going to kill me, let go." Still calm, and even as Shiro was shrinking, the voice remained in Keith's ear as if he wasn't.

"I can't." Keith sobbed, his arms just tightening as Shiro grew smaller and smaller until he fit in his palm.

His voice was still loud and unaffected by the pain. Calm even after Keith had crushed him in his hands.

"You killed me, Keith. I thought you loved me."

_I wanna tell you what my truth is_  
_But it's buried down inside_

Keith screamed, startling himself awake. His body was covered in a sheen of sweat and his hands were shaking.

Several dings at the door alarm had him jumping from his bed only to crash to the floor.

"Keith, are you all right?"

Why did it have to be him? It couldn't be him. Anyone else.

"Keith?" A loud pounding on the door followed the panicked call of his name. 

A shudder racked through his body painfully. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't answer the door like this.

"Open the door, Keith." That commanding voice had the red paladin whimpering. Conflict between his brain and his body. He loved that voice, but if he saw Shiro right now he knew he would spill out the words he had kept hidden for so long.

He couldn't do it. His body was screaming in pain, his heart aching with need, and his mind trying to figure out which one to follow.

Don't open the door.

"Keith, please? I just need to know you're ok." Shiro's voice was broken behind the door. It was enough. It was too much. It was everything and nothing, and Keith couldn't handle it.

He hadn't even realized he'd crawled his way to the door. He hadn't even realized he had pulled himself up to stand and release the lock. He hadn't even realized he was staring at Shiro's distraught face.

_Shining light, show and tell_  
_Don't be scared, truth is hell_  
_Down we go, wish me well_  
_No one knows where we fell_

"I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse, and his eyes filled with unshed tears. He didn't want to do this. None of this. "Don't leave me." He begged, his brain, heart and body disconnecting from each other.

Shiro frowned. "Keith, what are you talking about."

"Please don't go." Keith sobbed out, the tears finally releasing like a waterfall or broken dam. "I can't…" live. I can't breath. I can't function. I need you around me. I love you. 

But those words didn't follow. Just the unfinished statement hung in the air between them.

"Can I come in, Keith?" Shiro's voice was gentle, understanding even when he didn't have a clue what was going on.

Keith nodded regardless. He felt Shiro's hands maneuver him away from the doorway, and he heard the quiet swoosh of the door closing.

Silence hung between them. The soft clicking of the ship that only ever seemed to irk Keith continued, as if he wasn't shattering inside of it. His tears streamed down silently, but his breath seemed loud and shaky in the quiet.

But Shiro didn't speak. It was like he was waiting for Keith to continue. Something he always did when Keith needed to collect his thoughts. Something Keith had always been grateful for. Until now. Keith knew what he wanted to say, but saying it would make it real. Saying it would kill Shiro. A choked whine escaped his lips as the thought circled through his brain endlessly. The last moments of his dream playing like loop. 

Then Shiro was embracing him, and it hurt even more. It reminded him far too much of his dream. Shiro did feel bigger now too. Even as he pulled Keith to his chest and stroked his hair patiently. Lovingly. Fuck. Why did he have to love him?

Keith gripped the material of Shiro's shirt tightly, far too scared that he would squish the black paladin if he returned the embrace. This was reality right?

"Keith." Shiro said, placing a kiss to the side of his head. "What can I do?" His voice was a quiet whisper full of concern and care that Keith didn't deserve.

_They say that secrets make you sick and I should know_  
_Just promise me that if I tell you you will go_

"Love me." No. No.no.no.no. NO. He had said the words out loud. Not quite admitting his own feelings, but a request for Shiro to continue feeling his. Counterproductive. Stupid brain. Stupid heart. Keith clenched his jaw and scrunched his face. Fuck.

Shiro was silent though. Maybe he hadn't heard him, but Keith could tell by the change in rhythm of his breathing that he had. 

"I do, Keith. Very much." Shiro had finally said, causing the tears that were slowly dissipating with his ever growing anger and frustration to fall freely again. 

"I know." Keith sobbed, the rolling ebb and flow of pain coursing through his body. "I do too."

Fuck. He'd done it now. Stupid fucking brain, but the pain of the release of those simple words had his knees buckling, and suddenly he found himself on Shiro's lap on the floor. The jolt in their movement had pulled him farther apart. Perhaps not. Perhaps Keith just couldn't get close enough to begin with.

Shiro's arms tightened around him, pulling him closer, and small pecks of kisses rained against his hair. 

What did this mean? Was Shiro accepting it? Did it even matter though? Shiro was going to die now. Just like everyone else.

Keith felt the grip relax around him, and large hands cupped his face, pulling it upwards. He couldn't see anything. Just blurred shapes, but he could feel Shiro's lips against his own.

Shiro's were soft and gentle against his own chapped lips. The sweetest kiss. The slightest massage of lips.

But even now, Keith was greedy. He removed his hands from their grasp of Shiro's shirt and reached up to his jaw. Cupping both sides and forcefully deepening the kiss. It was needy and raw. Desperate and sloppy. But he needed it. He needed Shiro. At least one more time before he died. And he would die. Keith had admitted his feelings. That was the only option now.

But hopefully not right now. Right now, he just needed Shiro, at least one last time.

_I wanna wake up where your love is_  
_'Cause your love is always waking mine_  
_I wanna break down where your heart gets_  
_So torn it's almost breaking mine_  
_I wanna lay here, lost and bitter_  
_So long, I feel like I could die_  
_I wanna tell you what my truth is_  
_But it's buried down inside_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this cleared some things up. I promise Keith isn't a bad guy in this story. He just doesn't know how to handle anything, and his past has just been riddled with abandonment and death. He will learn. 
> 
> I'm hoping to have the next chapter up sometime this weekend (Saturday or Sunday).
> 
> Feel free to bother me on twitter with prompts, questions or just random chit chat @chibichocopaws


	6. Be Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro ensures that Keith explains his mind, once and for all, but not before giving Keith the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a day late! I hope you enjoy, anyways.
> 
> Per usual this has not been beta'd, so I apologize for all the mistakes.

_Stone cold, out of sight_   
_Too dark to trace the light_   
_Don't leave me when I'm alone_   
_Oh, and I'll be here when daylight's gone_

Shiro's grip was tight and sturdy like an unmoving boulder against his skin, but even as Keith's lips hungrily devoured his mouth, Shiro's lips reciprocated gently, calmly and patiently.

They were running two different courses towards the same goal. At least Keith hoped it was the same goal. If Shiro didn't take him, mind, body and soul, one last time, would it have even been worth it?

This time would be different. Keith was crumbling before Shiro's feet. His walls tumbling down to reveal the broken and scared person he had hidden for so long. All his resolve blown in the wind like a paper airplane released by a child out of the car window as it sped down the highway. Keith felt. Everything. All the things he had locked away. All the things he had kept buried. All the things he thought couldn't affect him where they were laid to rest. They were here. Now. In this moment. 

A sob broke the kiss, and Keith quickly buried his face in Shiro's chest, as if there, he couldn't see him or hear him. 

"Keith," Shiro's voice trembled with worry. It almost sounded as broken as Keith's wretched sobs, but no words followed his name. Simply the gently patterns he rubbed on Keith's back as if trying to sooth the pain through the action alone.

But Shiro would never sooth it. It would only get worse. Especially when Shiro died.

"I'm sorry." The words fell from Keith's lips, hoarse and nasally, sounding like they were not his own. "I'm so sorry, Shiro. Please don't go." 

Keith's head rose with the shaking deep breath in Shiro's chest before the black paladin spoke again, wrapping his arms tightly around Keith in an unfaltering embrace. "I'm right, Keith. I'm not going anywhere."

Keith shook his head, another choke of a sob, uncontrollable sniffling, and then a cough as the mucus stuck in his throat.

"What's going on, Keith?"

That's right, Shiro didn't know. But if Keith told him, he would then have the opportunity to leave him. It would save Shiro's life, but it would destroy Keith's. The red paladin scoffed, sneering his lips at the dilemma, even as his face was buried in black fabric. Keith was going to be destroyed either way. His life would be nothing. His life would mean nothing if he lost Shiro. He couldn't tell him.

"Fuck me," Keith whimpered out, his words were uncertain even to his own ears. 

"Keith, please tell me what's going on. I'm not going to take advantage of you. You're clearly upset and not thinking straight."

But he was. He knew what was going to happen. It had been a reminder in every dream he'd had since Shiro admitted his love for him. His mind may have been murky at this point, but he did know the consequences of his actions. Actions he had already taken and couldn't take back. 

"I know what I'm doing, Shiro," Keith frowned, his body shook with his emotions, "I know what I did. I know what's going to happen. Please, just give me ..." Keith released a shaky breath, "Please just love me." 

"I do," Shiro said, interrupting Keith's train of deprecating thoughts.

"Then show me." Keith pleaded, knowing full well he didn't want to see it. He didn't want to feel any more. He wanted Shiro to fuck him until he reached that point of numbness. Until he couldn't feel these emotions anymore. Until he could be cold and dark once more. But the part of him that was in control of his lips seemed to want to feel it. Part of him needed it. Craved it. The tenderness Shiro was offering him. He wanted to feel it, as if that would make the pain less. He knew it wouldn't, but if he was going to lose Shiro anyways, he may as well go all in, right?

Shiro was silent, perhaps collecting his own thoughts, Keith couldn't tell. He couldn't read the rise and fall of his chest like facial features, or decipher the tightening grip around him. 

"Please?" Keith broke the silence with a whimpering plea. 

The exhale was shaky, uncertainty in the way Shiro moved his hands from around Keith's back to settle on his hips. There was going to be a but. Keith cringed.

"Look at me, Keith." His words were a gentle request that Keith had to obey.

When he pushed himself back, his vision was blurred with tears, even as they still fell from his cheeks. 

Shiro's hand left his hip to cup his face, thumb brushing away the tears tenderly, but the actions only made them fall faster. "Please tell me what's going on first," Shiro pleaded.

"I can't," Keith said before swallowing the lump in his throat, "please, Shiro. I need you," he begged in a pitiful voice.

The frown was apparent in Shiro's voice, even though Keith couldn't see it. "Will it help you?"

Keith scrambled, his hands sporadically climbed from their grasp in Shiro's shirt to his face, cupping his strong jaw and pulling his face towards his own. He could feel Shiro's breath on his lips. "Yes." He whispered out.

Shiro's other hand released his hip to cup the other cheek, and he maneuvered Keith's face for a gentle kiss. It was sweet. Light brushing of lips, massaging. Slow slip of tongue into his mouth, and an easy glide against his own. It lacked power and anger. It lacked aggression. It lacked dominance. It was everything Keith didn't know he needed. He melted into Shiro, sliding himself forward, shifting his legs to straddle Shiro so he could get closer.

He let his hands fall from Shiro's face. Let his arms wrap around his neck to pull him tighter until their chests were flush against each other, but it still wasn't close enough.

He broke the kiss to gasp, his stuffy nose leaving no room for air to seep through.

"I love you, Keith."

He fought back a whimper at the words. He loved Shiro too. Maybe even more than he would ever admit. More than he would ever allow himself to feel. It tingled through his body, following his blood stream, pouring from his beating heart. And it hurt. It hurt so bad. Like a weight in his chest that held him down. Love wasn't supposed to hurt. It was supposed to be light and airy. Not heavy and weighty. But it was there. This anchor attached to the sea floor, but the water was rising, and soon, the chains of the anchor wouldn't be long enough, and Keith would be drowning.

Shiro's lips were back on his for the briefest moment before they laid kisses on his cheeks, interrupting his flowing tears. "Please stop crying, Keith." The plea was small and pathetic, but Keith wanted to abide, if only he could stop this pain.

Those lips travelled, leaving soft kisses in their wake, down his cheeks, and followed the path where his hand left his face to lay across his hip once more. They traveled to his jaw and then his neck. Feather light teases of his tongue flicked against the skin there, and the sensation was like electricity following the same path the ache of love traveled in his body.

Keith shuddered at the sensation, his dick twitched in his pants, as if fighting for its right to live, but it wasn't fighting hard enough. Keith closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of lips, tongue and teeth against his skin. A soft hum escaped his lips, and he let his hand travel to the back or Shiro's head. 

The hair there tickled his palm, and his fingers scratched at the scalp, pushing Shiro into him more where those lips finally sucked skin into their mouth.

Keith let out a choked cry, feeling overwhelmed by the sensation that had no reason to feel so damn good. It wasn't the first time Shiro had kissed his neck, but this time felt different. It was like all his senses were working overtime and every part of him felt otherworldly. Some drug induced high. An ecstacy from the simplest touch.

He clung tighter, gripping at Shiro's head to force the suction to a rough place. A place where the pain and the pleasure rolled through his body like lovers in the sheets. Shiro obliged, nipping at the skin with his teeth. There was definitely going to be a bruise there. Visible to everyone. Even with his paladin armor on. The spot, right below his ear. A slight wave of panic rolled over him. But did he really care? In the moment he knew he didn't, but everyone would know. Wouldn't they? 

Keith pulled at Shiro's hair as best as he could. The small strands just scraping at his fingertips, but Shiro always seemed attuned to him, even when he lost control, he always seemed to know when something was too much for Keith. He released the skin from his mouth with a small pop before he gently lapped at the abused flesh. The contrast of sensations made Keith whimper.

_When the fire burn, when the blessed turn_   
_I'mma be your love, I'mma be your love_   
_When the crazy world turn to hell on earth_   
_I'mma be your love, I'mma be your love_

Why was Shiro everything Keith ever wanted. Everything he never knew he needed. He was perfect, and right now, he was Keith's. Maybe not for long, but the tears had slowly started to dissipate, and Keith wasn't going to allow his thoughts to go back down that path of pain. Not right now. Right now he just needed Shiro.

Shiro lifted his mouth to Keith's ear while his hand travelled his sides in a soothing tickle. "I love you, Keith." He breathed, and the sound made him shudder. 

He wanted to say it back. He really did, but maybe there was this chance that if he didn't say it, Shiro wouldn't die. Maybe he'd just walk away. Maybe…. But Shiro was nibbling at his ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth to gently trace it with his tongue, and Keith couldn't speak even if he wanted to.

Shiro's hand trailed to his back, tiptoeing his fingers down his spine until it reached his ass. He stopped there for a moment, and Keith found himself holding his breath. Then the flat of Shiro's palm was sliding down until it was cupping his ass, pulling him even closer until their groins ground against each other where Keith's erection had finally made its stand for life afterall. 

Keith moaned, gyrating against Shiro, feeling his hardness in the slow grinding motion. It was odd, but pleasing. This slow pace. This tenderness. This gentle turn. The tantalizing drag of cock on cock. Keith pressed down harder against Shiro, and the black paladin released his ear lobe to gasp at the sensation as his hand massaged his ass to their rhythm.

"Fuck, you feel so good, Keith." Shiro muttered into his ear in a breathless whisper. His hand tightened on the flesh it was grasping, pushing Keith down harder until it almost felt like his entire cock was engulfed by the rough fabric of his pants. Like he was fucking some dry rough hole in a slow thrust. Keith groaned, letting his hand fall from Shiro's head to grasp at his shoulder. Stabilizing him as his world shifted and mutated into this unknown place full of pleasure, security and a wholeness he hadn't realized he was missing pieces to.

Shiro's lips were pressing kissing from his ear to his jaw, making their way up to his own lips again where he slid his tongue between and traced random patterns against his own.

Keith moaned into it, relishing in these new sensations and feelings. These things he always wanted to experience, but couldn't have even began to expect to feel this way. This consuming. This pleasurable. This fulfilling.

Shiro broke the kiss, panting against his open mouth. His eyes searched Keith's, and with his free hand, he cupped his cheek again. "Let me take care of you Keith." His voice was breathy and desperate. The sound alone made Keith's slow rhythm falter, his hips stuttered before he rediscovered his pace. "Let me make you feel better."

"Make me feel everything." Keith's own voice was raspy, but just as breathless as it pleaded for Shiro to show him exactly how much love he had to offer. As if Keith didn't know it would eventually be a gaping wound in his heart.

Shiro's grip tightened on his ass, stilling his gyrating only to slam their mouths together in a kiss that seemed too heavy. Too needy. Too desperate. But it wasn't Keith's doing it, this time. It was Shiro. He was showing Keith how desperately he wanted this. This different pace. This love. This worship. Keith returned it eagerly, tightening his grip on Shiro's shoulders until he was certain he'd be leaving a bruise in the flesh there. 

Shiro broke the kiss only to nip at his bottom lip. "Get off for a second." He said gently, a request that left Keith sliding backwards until his ass met the cold hard floor, a far worse place to be than Shiro's lap.

But Shiro was gently pushing him backwards, cupping his head to lay it upon the floor for fear it would be injured. He leaned over Keith, sliding between his spread legs and let his free hand roam over his skin.

Keith was still damp from the sweat of his nightmare, but Shiro didn't seem to mind as his fingertips tickled up his abdomen, over his ribcage and palmed at his chest. "You're so beautiful, Keith." Shiro said, pulling Keith's gaze from the path of his hand to Shiro's face. "I want to give you everything." 

Keith bit his lip. He wanted Shiro to give him everything too. Especially when Shiro called him beautiful with his sweat matted hair, sticky body, puffy eyes, clogged nose and tear streaked cheeks. He probably smelled horrible even, but Shiro didn't seem to notice or mind.

He knelt down where Keith's skin was exposed below his shirt, behind the path of his hand, and placed a kiss at his hip bone. Keith shuddered under the touch.

Shiro continued, placing kisses as he exposed more skin, pushing Keith's shirt up until it pooled at his neck. He lapped at the skin, kissed it, sucked it into his mouth, nibbled it, until it felt like every part of his skin had been worshipped by Shiro's mouth.

Metal fingers entwined with his own, holding tightly as Shiro used the other hand to pull at Keith's pants. He lifted his hips and Shiro slid the material down smoothly, placing kisses on the exposed skin of his hips and thighs. Keith's legs shook with the ministrations. New sensations wracking through his body like a wrecking ball sought to destroy him. But this was a different destruction. Not the destruction he was used to. It weighed him down and made him feel. Not the normal lift him high until he was dizzy and numb. 

"Shiro." Keith whined when he nuzzled his face on his cock. Hot breath tickled his skin, teasing him, but Shiro only pressed kisses upon it. Light brushes of his lips. Nothing more than skin on skin and hot breath, but it was enough to make Keith's legs quake.

Shiro's free hand moved down from his hip to pull at his thigh, pushing his leg up and spreading him wide. Keith whimpered when those fingers dug into his muscles and stretched them, but Shiro's lips were traveling down his cock until they laid kisses on his balls. They tightened and Keith's toes curled. A long moan fell from his lips when Shiro sucked one of them into his mouth, pulling on the flesh and massaging it with his tongue. Fuck, Keith had never felt anything like it. It was released, only to be replaced by the other one, and Keith let out a shuddering breath. 

"Shiro." He whined again, tightening his grasp on the metal fingers in his hand. They reciprocated, tightening as well, but Shiro wasn't done yet. His hand pushed Keith's leg higher, lifting his ass from the ground and exposing it. Keith could feel the hot breath crest against him, but he couldn't possibly have been prepared for the feel of lips on his hole. 

"Fuck." He spat out, surprised, and tried to sit up, but Shiro held him down in place, and replaced his lips with a hot tongue. It traced the muscles of his opening, teasingly, before it lapped at it. Keith could feel the ring of muscles there pulse at the ministrations.

But it was when Shiro's tongue entered him that he lost control. Sounds fell from his lips like off key music in a foreign language he didn't understand. Sputter of words as he flailed his arm, unsure of what to do with the one that wasn't held down by Shiro. 

His muscles pulsed, not just the ones of his ass, but all through his body, as that talented tongue switched from teasing to fucking him sporadically, and Keith was lost in the sensations. 

Finally his hand found purchase on Shiro's head, and he pushed him in deeper. Cheeks on cheeks. Keith should have felt concerned. Maybe Shiro couldn't even breath. Maybe he didn't want to. Keith hadn't taken a shower yet anyways. He probably smelled, but he couldn't find it in himself to care, not when the glide of Shiro's tongue was moistening him from the inside out. Preparing him for what was to come.

Shiro moved Keith's leg to rest on his shoulder and lowered his hand to Keith's ass, spreading him farther apart while simultaneously holding him from the ground. Keith loved the suspension. It made him feel like he was floating, even though the hard floor dug into his shoulder blade sharply. 

Keith rolled his hips, meeting each entrance of Shiro's tongue, and Shiro moaned in response. It baffled Keith. There was no reason Shiro should be feeling pleasure from this, but he apparently was enjoying himself. Keith pressed Shiro's head deeper, his tongue filling him as much as it could and massaged him inside, in a circular pattern that had Keith's eyes crossing and his vision blurring. 

"Fuuuccckkk," Keith cried out. There was no reason this should feel as good as it did. Shiro wasn't even hitting his prostate, but his dick was leaking onto his stomach nonetheless. He could feel his orgasm building like a weak dam being built in his groin, one that was on the verge of breaking open, but there was one single stick holding it together. If Keith could just move his hand away from Shiro's head and onto his dick, he would cum instantly, but he feared if he stopped guiding Shiro, he would stop his ministrations.

Keith's body was shaking, uncontrollably so. It shuddered every time Shiro licked into him, and then it rolled through his body like a wave when Shiro's tongue left him. 

"You OK, baby?" Shiro's voice was husky, breath hot against his clenching hole, begging for him to be entered again, and Shiro obliged, immediately going back to fucking him with his tongue like he was born for this moment.

Keith inhaled a shuddering breath and whined. His brain had disconnected from his mouth around the time Shiro had sucked his balls into his mouth. All he could do was whine when Shiro stopped and rubbed soothing circles on his ass, the hot breath left him, and he was lowered to the cool floor. It felt wet and slippery, but Keith couldn't be sure if it was just from where Shiro licked, or if it had all leaked out from inside him.

Keith could see the shadow form behind his closed eyelids before he felt the warmth of Shiro's hand on his face. "Keith, are you ok?"

"Mmm." Keith moaned, reaching his hand up to weakly pull Shiro down to meet their lips in a sloppy kiss, and if Keith had accidentally hit him in the nose in his blind movement, Shiro didn't comment, only kissed him slowly.

"Love me." Keith whimpered out, letting his legs fall open until his knees hit the floor, in invitation. 

"Always." Shiro whispered back.

_Bad blood come and go_   
_But you're still coming home_   
_Ain't no mountain tall, tall enough, baby_   
_We rise, we fall_

Shiro slid down his body once more and gently sucked on the flesh of Keith's inner thigh. Keith had been lost before, but the whisper of endearment had his eyes filling with tears. He didn't deserve this. Neither of them did. Shiro didn't deserve what would happen, and Keith didn't deserve what Shiro was promising him or how good he was making him feel.

A finger prodded his ass, sliding in slowly and Keith gasped at the intrusion. It felt larger and fuller than Shiro's tongue, but just as good as it maneuvered in and out of him easily, quickly followed by a second one that stretched him, accompanied by a slow burn that only seemed to tingle instead of hurt. 

A third followed shortly after, somehow slicking him up, and if Keith could think, he'd probably have to wonder where Shiro had found his lube, but those fingers were prodding against his prostate in a gentle tease that left Keith further gone than he had been before.

When they slipped out, he whined. It was pathetic and loud and probably a noise Keith should be embarrassed about, but he couldn't find the senses to care. He wanted… no, he needed this.

Shiro slid his thighs beneath Keith, lifting his bottom half from the floor again, and Keith could feel the blunt lubricated head of his cock against his hole. 

"Look at me baby." Shiro requested in a loving voice, and Keith felt a blush creep upon his cheeks when his cock twitched at the nickname. Shiro had used it twice so far, but it was enough to bloom something desperate in his heart to want to hear it again.

He obliged, looking to Shiro. He felt exposed. More exposed than he'd ever felt in his entire life, but Shiro's eyes only shone in adoration.

"I love you." He repeated, as if he couldn't say it enough, and Keith was on the verge of saying it back, because why the fuck not? It was true. He was certain Shiro could see it in his eyes at that point. All his walls had crashed to the ground. Turned to rubble and dust.

But as soon as his lips fell open to speak the words, they were replaced by a moan that seemed to ripple from his entrance, through his groin, up his stomach, his throat and finally through his mouth as Shiro slowly pushed inside of him.

There was no thrusting, just the steady motion of Shiro filling him. Stretching him open so slowly, that Keith could swear he felt every vein inside Shiro's cock.

Their eyes stayed locked, and an overwhelming sense of emotion filled Keith. Tears streamed down from his eyes, mixing into his messy hair, and Shiro stopped. His gaze suddenly torn, filling with hurt and confusion. 

"Love you." Keith managed to whisper out. The words falling on their own accord from his lips, and Shiro gasped at the admission, quickly shifting their bodies so Keith was straddling him as they both sat up.

Shiro's hand helped lower Keith the rest of the way on his cock, the other, still entwined with Keith's, found solace over his heart where it beat rapidly, almost painfully, within his chest.

Their lips locked in a heated kiss. Desperate and needy, as Shiro guided Keith's hips into a steady grind.

Keith grasped onto Shiro's shoulder like it was his lifeline. As if letting go now would have him falling away, never to be seen again.

"Fuck, Keith." Shiro muttered, interrupting the passionate kiss. "I love you, too. I love you so fucking much." He ground out, as if he was angry.

But Keith knew better. Shiro wasn't angry. He knew angry Shiro. This was different. A part of Shiro he had never seen before. And as he rode Shiro, cock sliding up and down his stomach, Keith realized two things. 

One: Maybe he didn't know all of the parts Shiro had to him. Maybe Shiro had hidden parts of himself away, as well.

And two: That didn't change the way he felt about Shiro, if anything, it only made him feel intrigued to see all sides of him. 

Maybe Shiro felt the same way about Keith. Maybe it was OK after all. Maybe Shiro could love him. Maybe Shiro wouldn't die. Maybe Shiro wouldn't leave. Maybe they were… soulmates. If that was even a thing. It sure felt like it was, with the way Shiro's cock always hit his prostate. With the way Shiro knew how to destroy him. With the way Shiro knew how to control him. But not just that. It was also the way Shiro had cared for him when no one else had. And the way Shiro stayed in his corner, no matter how stupid he was, or what horrible decisions he'd made, even to the point that Shiro had advised him against it. Shiro hadn't left. Ever. Maybe he wouldn't. 

Keith came with a cry, the tightening of his muscles sending Shiro over the edge with him. Emotions spilled from every pour, and his soul felt free and light.

"I love you. I love you so much." He babbled incessantly, like once he had said it, even Hell itself couldn't stop him from continuing.

Shiro returned the endearment repeatedly, a sob falling from his lips as he held Keith tightly against him until eventually their words fell to silence.

Shiro shifted first, pulling himself from Keith gently, before he lifted them both and walked them to Keith's bed.

It was cool against his skin, but Shiro's chest was hot against his face when he was lain across it. 

Silence reigned between them for so long that Keith barely even registered the annoying click that randomly occurred in his room. His only focus was the steady breathing beneath him and the light traces on his back by cool metal fingertips.

When he was on the verge of falling asleep, Shiro shifted to place a kiss on his forehead. "Can we talk now?" He whispered cautiously, as if he didn't want to break whatever delicate balance they had discovered. 

Keith curled his fist. He didn't want to talk about it. It'd just make him sad. Angry. Both. He didn't want to be reminded. He wanted to stay in his bubble of false hope where nothing could pop their bliss.

"I don't want to." He muttered like a petulant child. 

"Please, Keith. I need to understand what's going on," there was a pause before he continued, "you said you would."

"I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to die." Keith said quickly, burying his face in Shiro's warm chest. 

"Oh…. Well," Shiro paused, most likely to collect his thoughts, "I mean, we are at war, I guess that's a real possibility, but it's not like I'll go seeking it." 

Keith shook his head before he spoke again, his voice muffled by the flesh beneath him. "You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me, baby. I want to know."

A chill ran up his spine at the nickname, and Shiro's gentle traces against his spine stopped. "Everyone I love leaves me, in one way or another… but you're choosing to stay. That means you're going to die." Keith bit his lip hard, drawing blood with his teeth as a means to distract him from the emotional onslaught he was about to endure.

"Keith," Shiro began, using a finger to tilt his head up to look to him, "I'm not going anywhere." He smiled down at him. A genuine and pure smile that left Keith breathless, and for the second time that night, Shiro had given him hope.

Hope to love freely and openly. Hope that Shiro would still be there, no matter what. Hope that he could, in fact, be Shiro's love.

_I'mma be your love, I'mma be your love_   
_I'mma be your love, I'mma be your love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, for now. I hope you enjoyed the journey. Part 2 will be coming... eventually. No promises of when. I have quite a few other projects I'm working on. 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos fuel my quintessence.
> 
> I also take prompts or requests. Shoot them my way on twitter @chibichocopaws.
> 
> Special thanks to all the people that have shown this story love. You've been my everything through writing this.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been so long, and I am so sorry. I have been writing, but I try not to post anything until they are complete, and lately I have been working on a few multi chapter stories (none of which are finished), but this story has been eating my ability to focus on anything but it, so it came to fruition. 
> 
> It's been a very long time since I've written a song fic, and I apologize if I totally screwed it up. This series is more or less just inspired by the songs over anything else, but regardless I hope you enjoyed!


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